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New Year - New You

On Remembering

December 31, 2022 by Cheryl Wilder

Interior east wall of Sagrada Familia with sunlight reflecting blue and green stained glass windows

I took the above photo inside La Sagrada Família, a bucket-list destination I visited with my grandmother and sister last May. When I first encountered architect Antoni Gaudí’s work, I liked the natural elements of his design–curves, color, and texture. No photo can capture the awe-inspiring atmosphere of being immersed inside light and sculpture, of feeling part of the design itself. But it’s not only Gaudí’s buildings that I’m thinking about this last day of 2022. Gaudí’s life, and his death, are real-life allegories.

God’s Architect

Gaudí took over the plans for La Sagrada Família in 1883 and quickly dedicated his life to it, even moving into a finished portion of the cathedral so he could oversee the work 24/7. Devoted to his work and the Catholic religion, Gaudí began to live like an ascetic–self-disciplined and narrowly focused. He ate frugally and dressed in old, worn suits. A man who once enjoyed the pomp and circumstance that came with being Catalan’s beloved architect, it seems his life’s work and beliefs merged into one mission: La Sagrada Família.

One morning, on his way to Sant Felip Neri church for prayer and confession, Gaudí was struck by a tram. Frail-thin and shabbily dressed, he was mistaken for a beggar and left unconscious on the side of the road. Passersby didn’t stop to help him, not for a while anyway. When someone finally took him to a hospital, Gaudí received minimal care until the chaplain of La Sagrada Família came looking for him. But it was too late, Gaudí’s unattended injuries became too grave to heal, and he died.

Sometimes I imagine people stepping over his body on the way to admire La Sagrada Família, the church he designed with their spiritual lives in mind.

Real-life Allegory

Not quite the Grateful Dead folklore where a passerby resolves the debt of a deceased stranger and later receives karmic payment. But Gaudí’s story is similar, at least in its moral meaning. A man who looked like a beggar was left on the side of the road for dead. That man was the person the townspeople revered, but only worshipped him through the joy his art brought to their lives. The townspeople walking by Gaudí’s body focused on the wrong thing: the object, not the person.

The story isn’t fiction; there is no dire consequence for the townspeople. Gaudí died, his assistant took over, and the project continued. To this day, La Sagrada Família is not complete. Gaudí was never going to see it finished.

And yet, if we look at his life’s story as an allegory, it teaches us not to be: too busy, too stingy, and too judgmental. Another lesson is in the work artists contribute to society. For Gaudí, it’s work that exhibited kindness, time, and attention. And that is worth remembering.

Celebrating Creativity

And now, to leave you with some inspiration for 2023.

As I dig up memories while writing my next collection, I don’t know exactly what will come up. Discovery happens in the writing. This quote by Kiki Smith may not fit exactly to the writing process, but it does fit to creativity (and life) in general: “The point isn’t to know what you’re doing. The point is to have an experience doing something.”

Kurt Vonnegut’s letter to a group of students at Xavier High School in New York City has made it’s way around the internet, but listening to Sir Ian McKellen read the letter makes me want to play in my mashed potatoes. Happy 2023, may you find joy in creativity.


Text on image: “between my fingers over my shoulder in hope, in prayer, in a wish”

Image and text by author. All rights reserved.


Filed Under: New Year - New You, On...

Onward and Forward

January 2, 2022 by Cheryl Wilder

upclose of orange chinese lantern with blurred background of woods in winter
[See end of post for text overlay.]

Joy in 2022

It’s 2022, and I keep thinking of the word Joy. Maybe I return to it to move past 2021—a reflex to the news cycle. Perhaps Joy is the mantra 2022 needs.

Joy Joy Joy

It’s a beautiful-looking word with the tall majestic “J,” the perfectly round “o,” and the low-hanging “y.”

While looking for ways to spread joy, I found Poems of Joy, Hope, and Community to Bring Us Together, a compilation from the Academy of American Poets. Here’s a few of my favorites:

“When Giving Is All We Have” by Albert Rios
“Darling Coffee” by Meena Alexander
“[I wandered lonely as a Cloud]” by William Wordsworth
“To All My Friends” by May Yang

One way to pursue joy? (You know what I’m going to say.) Write!

Back in April 2020, I wrote a post on lyric poetry. (My most popular post to date.) It was early-pandemic, and I needed to find my way through the emotions of it. I shared my daily poems for a while. But you don’t have to show anyone what you write (and the content doesn’t have to be joyful). Writing for the sake of writing is pursuing joy—an inner feeling that endures hardship, a steady ship in turbulent waters.

Get started today

For quick reference, the tips below are pulled from the blog post mentioned above.

Tips to write a lyric poem

handwritten poem in cursive on plain white paper
“I opened the window / and laughter blew in–
  • Start with “I” –the subjective and personal experience.
  • Do something in the poem. A simple act you do often. “I opened the window.”
  • Think of something that relates to the act you wrote down. It could be another action or an idea, a whimsical thought, or an emotion. “I opened the window and the breeze brushed my cheek.” “I opened the window and my eyes softened.” “I opened the window, tears down my cheeks.”
  • Keep going, making associations between physical actions, ideas, emotions, or thoughts.
  • Try not to think too much, let the first action inspire the next action or idea, and so on.
  • Having trouble? You know the game where you say a word and another person has to say the first thing that pops into their head? It’s like that. If you can’t think of anything, go back to the physical act that you know. “I opened the window and walked to the kitchen. I sliced a strawberry and thought of summers with my grandmother…”

Have fun. Stay safe. Find joy.



Text overlay on lantern image:
The soil has moved
over thousands of years
to make way–there is no end
though the end draws near. We wash
each day our dirt
again and again
and again
we wake and sweep the front porch.

Poem from Coronavirus Daily project. Image and text by author. All rights reserved.


Filed Under: New Year - New You, Poetry, Writing Process

On Reflection

December 14, 2020 by Cheryl Wilder

There’s no way around it: 2020 felt like walking blindfolded onto a roller coaster with no safety harnesses. How do I reflect on the year when I’m still holding on for dear life, and the roller coaster hasn’t stopped?

I follow the advice of fellow Waterwheel Review editor, Claire Guyton: “I’m doing two things this month to say a firm goodbye to 2020 and walk with intention and strength into whatever the next year holds: Taking stock and making joy.”

Easier said than done. But here goes.

Taking Stock

My piece of the world is so small right now. If I had to count the times I left my house since March, I could. My youngest children have left the house even less though they boast at having attended more Zoom meetings than my husband and I combined. Their school district has been in full remote learning for seventeen weeks. And since they are in second grade, I have been in full remote hall monitor, teacher’s assistant, cafeteria cook, and principal for seventeen weeks.

I have lived anything but solitary since the pandemic began. Even so, I was compelled to reach out beyond my immediate surroundings during the early stay-at-home orders in March and April. I wrote a daily poem and posted them to Facebook and here on the website. I wanted to live what poet Stanley Kunitz says in his poem, “Revolving Meditation”:

The voice of the solitary
Who makes others less alone.

I may not be alone in my house, but as a poet, one of my strengths is the ability to express my single human experience.

Making Joy

When my husband asked me to think of a positive that came out of 2020, I answered, “Freeze dance.”

We had a quaranteam Halloween party while our neighborhood flooded—like it does every year—with trick or treaters. Our quaranteam consists of eight adults and three kids. We had so much fun we decided to do it again next year, in addition to resumed trick or treating. The favorite game: Freeze dance.

Why does freeze dance sum up joy for me? Dancing, for one. Stress release. Letting go of the world’s ills. Everyone separate in their rhythm. Then, stop. Be startled. Look at everyone around you. Laugh. When the music starts back up, get lost again.

Freeze dance reminds me of Kunitz’s point. We dance singularly, each one of us experiencing our own solitary emotions. The music abruptly stops, bringing everyone back together. We’re laughing and connecting—feeling less alone.

When my youngest was eliminated because he didn’t freeze, he asked me, “Can I still dance?

“Yes,” I said. “Of course, you can keep dancing.” Please keep dancing.

We played freeze dance again at Thanksgiving. We’ll play freeze dance at Christmas, New Year’s, and for years to come.

Word for 2021: Intention

My most pressing question: How long will my youngest kids be in remote learning? Yes, when will a vaccine be available to my family is on my mind. But seriously, when will my kids go back to school, even part-time?

Since I have no clue what my schedule will be, I can only look into 2021 with intent. There is no waiting for something to work out, no putting off until tomorrow. I can’t find a to-do list from last week. I can barely hold more than two ideas in my head at a time. The only way forward is through determination and resolve.

However, I am neither discouraged nor upset (just mentally and emotionally drained). I have an intentional act I already rely on, one that I have spent twenty-five years doing: Wake every morning with contentment. 

When I first started, I had to reach beyond my station. Reach for who I wanted to be. A “fake it before you become it” approach.

Some mornings, I still have to reach, especially in 2020. I will always reach if it’s necessary. Not because I need to be better. And not because I need to fulfill someone else’s belief in what I should be. I do it because I believe in more than I am in any given moment. And when I’m content, I can be fully present and available to others—the version of myself that I like best.


Quote and photo by author. All rights reserved.


Filed Under: New Year - New You, On...

On Threshold

December 26, 2019 by Cheryl Wilder

close up of iron gate covered in moss connected to worn wood post as threshold
Those who stay / might not want to be found.

If memory serves, I have never written a holiday poem. I associate lightheartedness with holiday poems; if you know my work, you know I am not a lighthearted poet. And for reasons I won’t get into, holidays haven’t inspired me.

But this year, prompted by an upcoming Christmas party with my writing group, I challenged myself to write a holiday-inspired poem. After a few failed attempts, I reached out to the experts for help.

Inspiration came, as I assume it has for many writers, by way of Charles Dickens. Not from his well-known story A Christmas Carol, but from the essay “What Christmas Is as We Grow Older.”

At the essay’s opening words, “Time was,” I imagined my former selves as a chain of paper dolls unfolding back to when I was too young to have memory. I lingered with this image before folding my selves—one self at a time—back together. Then I took Dickens’s advice that comes later in the essay: “Welcome, alike what has been, and what never was, and what we hope may be.”

He reminded me that, to enjoy the present, I must welcome the past, and be thankful for the future. Not fresh advice, per se. But something about his language cracked open a sentiment I wanted to explore. Maybe it’s the time of year, but it felt like I was standing on a threshold, as if I were being ushered somewhere new by Dickens himself.

What Has Been

A threshold, by its nature, is a transitional place: the piece of flooring that forms the bottom of a doorway. Threshold is also defined as “a point of entry or beginnings.” 

When I stand on the threshold of, I have one foot in the past (what has been, and what never was) and the other in the future (what we hope may be). I know that I’m entering something new and leaving behind an old way of living.

There are cultural rituals to help cope with large thresholds like birthdays, having a baby, or getting married. We help one another pass from what has been into the what will be.

Then there are the thresholds unmarked by ritual or celebration but monumental shifts nonetheless, like the decision to change careers mid-life or to move across the country, the death of a parent, or divorce. And then there are the smaller thresholds of our daily lives; we cross dozens of them every day.

No matter how small the threshold, looking back helps us move on from what has been—we literally can’t move forward without the act of leaving.

What Never Was

“What never was” is the phrase that resonated most when I read Dickens’s essay. It’s a perspective not usually included when people reflect on their pasts.

I think we’re often afraid to look back, not because of what has been, but precisely because of what never was. We cannot go back and fill in our past. There is no revision. That can be a sad and lonely reality to face and a hard one to accept. Yet who we are is the sum of what we have and have not experienced.

I think when we embrace what has been and what never was, it creates more room and energy for what we hope may be. It takes a lot of effort to hold on to the past. How many mini-meltdowns have finished with, “I didn’t realize I was holding on to that,” followed by feeling a little lighter?

What We Hope May Be

When my father’s mother turned 80 years old, she chose not to take the required driving test, knowing she couldn’t pass. No one else was going to tell her she couldn’t drive. She told me her decision helped her reclaim some control as her aging body forced her to lose independence.

I was reminded of my grandmother when Arianna Huffington did a life audit when she turned 40. Huffington examined the wish list of her many long-term goals and marked them off as if she had completed them. By accepting what she would never accomplish (e.g., learn German), she could mark them as complete. She took control over what she would never do, instead of always having in the back of her mind, Maybe one day.

We hold on to so much all the time; letting go can make us feel like we’re losing something. But when we intentionally let go, we aren’t losing anything: we are choosing to set it down. My grandmother didn’t lose her ability to drive; she chose not to drive again.

Welcome, Everything

As you move into your next phase—whatever that may be—you’re stronger from knowing what you are leaving behind, and as difficult as it may be, from welcoming what never was.

None of us know what is yet to come, but we can be as intentional and inviting as Dickens when he says, “Welcome, everything!” So that, when we find ourselves on a threshold, we’re ready (and even a little excited) for possibility.


Filed Under: New Year - New You, On..., Win at Life

On Self Care

February 4, 2019 by Cheryl Wilder

nevada desert with blue sky and word art y'all

Instead of a new year’s resolution, my husband and I chose a motto for 2019. Yes, we want to tighten up the diet and solidify an exercise routine, but we’re striving for more. And that “more” isn’t simply more reps, more water, more sleep. We want to expand how we think about caring for our selves. To step back, see our lives in a bigger picture, and shift our perspectives. We want to find balance.

Self-marriage-family-friends-community-work balance.

2019 motto: Self Care

I’m busy in new and wonderful ways this year. For starters, there’s kindergarten and career growth, which is more then enough so I’ll stop there. Raising children is a teeter-totter inside a Gravitron. (You say seesaw, I say teeter-totter.) Career growth is climbing an oil-slick ladder on a trampoline. It’s all just walking through a dark room and stepping on tiny Lego pieces. (I could go on…)

There are also many things that I love to do and many more that I want to accomplish. Skills I want to learn, causes I want to be more involved with, and a backyard I hope to transform. Each want and responsibility stands before me, waiting for action. How do I do it all? Can I do it all?

Self Care Reminds Me

Slow down. Step back. See the whole forest. It’s difficult to maintain balance when I focus solely on the trees.

I’m 44 now. My forest has a lot of trees. When I step back I see them all in their varying stages of growth. I also see hills and valleys, flowers and thorns, rivers and rocks. Self Care is remembering that I’ve had balance in my life, that the feeling of “too much of this” and “not enough of that” is fleeting. Sure, I need to re-balance, shift things around, and let go. But it takes time. Imbalance isn’t permanent. But it is important. Taking the time to realign personal goals–reassess where I’ve been, appreciate where I am, and define where I want to go–provides clarity. And clarity is a solid reset button.

There’s also the foundation to the forest. The morals and beliefs I have cultivated over the years, that I live by every day. The ones that hold my feet to the fire and keep me strong. It’s imperative to make certain I’m aligning my growing and changing life with my founding principles.

Self Care is complicated. It’s messy. And it’s fun. I find it helpful to plant sapling seeds as soon as I have them. I do my best to tend the seeds as they grow, making sure the soil is rich with nutrients. Self Care is not being afraid to look inside myself, to know who I am and what I need. Embrace the strengths and surrender to the weaknesses. To not just be okay with my voice but proud of it.

Here’s a list I have on my desk for this year. It’s a reminder to nurture all aspects of my life. I didn’t come up with it but it speaks to my most basic needs:

Water, rest, repeat.
Laundry, poetry, repeat.
Love, long-walks, repeat.

– from Chani Nicholas

Do you have a Self Care list? If not, what would you put on it? What does your soil–your foundation–require in order to keep your forest thriving?

Self Care Inspiration

2019’s motto is inspired by rap artist, Mac Miller’s song, “Self Care.” His life and death impacted my eldest son, T, and therefore, impacted my husband and me.

Miller’s music was raw and personal. He didn’t shy away from addressing his struggle with addiction and depression. When he released, Swimming, his latest (and last) album in Aug. 2018, a month before he overdosed, T heard self-reflection, reconciliation, and even, hope. T wanted nothing more than for Miller to prevail, to be a strong voice, to continue helping him (and others) in life and in his own music. It’s been a hard blow. But, we do what we can in times like these: we listen and we learn.

If you have a few minutes (or seventeen), watch Miller’s Tiny Desk Concert on NPR Music. It’s a beautiful glimpse of his kind and boyish personality, and how his music does what art does best, tell the deeper story.


Quote and photo by author. All rights reserved.



Filed Under: New Year - New You, On..., Win at Life Tagged With: self care

On Resolve

January 5, 2018 by Cheryl Wilder

on resolve new year's resolution
To help my four-year-old boys’ learn how to make a resolution, I purchased, “Squirrel’s New Year’s Resolution,” by Pat Miller. The core message is summed up when Bear, the librarian at Lonewood Library, explains a New Year’s Resolution to Squirrel. “A resolution is a promise you make to yourself to be better or to help others,” he says. “When we begin a new year we make a fresh start.” This year, the boys have resolved to carry groceries into the house. A solid first resolution.

In 2018, I will transition from being a stay-at-home-mom working part-time to a mother of school-aged children working…well, that is what I get to figure out. It’s not the first time I have realigned my goals with the entry of a child into school. My eldest is now twenty. Fifteen years ago, as he went into kindergarten, I attended classes at the community college, putting myself on a direct path toward what I dreamed of doing as work: writing.

Since then, I have received undergraduate and graduate degrees, published a poetry chapbook, as well as, several poems, essays and articles in various journals. All of this work was accomplished first as a single mother, then during the recession when my family (my eldest son and new husband) had to relocate for income, the birth and rearing of twin boys, and the care giving of my mother before her death in 2016.

I’ve also reconnected with family members, bonded new friendships, established a balanced diet and exercise routine, started a web development business, exorcised personal demons, became more engaged in my community, bought a house, and reared a child out of the nest and onto the path of his own artistic pursuits. For the past eleven years, I’ve enjoyed ever-strengthening, never-a-dull-moment, love and support between my husband and me.

What’s next?

2018 New Year’s Resolution

This year I resolve to write a personal and professional mission statement to define who I am, who I want to be, and what I want to accomplish. And then, I live up to that mission.

Learning From My Previous Self

Developing a mission statement and business plan is not altogether new. Five years ago, two writer friends, Claire Guyton and Suzanne Farrell Smith, and I, decided to compose our own Writing Life Business Plans. Each following year we reevaluate and refine our goals.

The deep thinking involved, in creating and revising my plan, kept me connected to writing when two babies took all my brain power and energy. Not to say I hadn’t previously maintained tenacity toward my writing goals during busy times. But nothing kept me more focused (except the community of Claire and Suzanne) then taking the time to figure out where I was as a writer, where I wanted to go, and what I needed to do to get there.

Now I’m on the precipice of the boys’ enrollment in school. Not only will I have more time, I have five years of meticulous preparation under my belt.

My resolution is a natural extension of the Writing Life Business Plan. I don’t bring in enough income from my writing life (yet) to justify not having a second career. Luckily I enjoy web design, so the new mission includes my entrepreneurial pursuits as well. Work I hope to integrate more with my writing goals, creating something altogether new and unexpected.

My plan also addresses what kind of citizen I want to be in my community. Where are my talents and skills needed most?

The personal mission statement? It asks me to look closely at my moral foundation–the precursor to all of it.

Work More and Better

From my first blog post back in 2014: “I resolve to continue integrating my work with my art and my everyday life… I vow to do this year after year after year, turning my lifetime into a series of fulfilling days.”

My days are more integrated, and have become more fulfilling. But I’m not finished. Quite the contrary. 2018 is another year where I begin again, and one of the giants’ shoulders I stand on this time, are my own.


Quote and photo by author. All rights reserved.


Filed Under: New Year - New You, On..., Writing Life

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"The future way of life consists in the recovery of the intimacy of life."
—Sigfried Giedion, art and architecture historian

Cheryl Wilder, a middle-aged woman with short brown hair, wearing a black puffy jacket, holding a pen on a cold day at the Sonoma Coast in CA

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